Out of the Chaos

There are no words to describe my feelings from all of the chaos in our world right now. My lack of social voice should not be viewed as a lack of character or sense of entitlement over another human. I have taken some time to allow my emotions to calm before writing out my thoughts. No tweet or post on Facebook can sum up my thoughts better than this post I am creating now.  Everywhere I look I see division, judgement and utter lack of respect for humanity. I try to stay out of politics, religion and in the moment reactions for the most part since humans generally each have their own opinions already made. I try to do my best to raise my children to love and respect others, be the husband my wife needs me to be and the friend that will be there for you no matter where you come from.

It seems like everyday we are reading about hatred and violence amongst one another. Cops killing civilians, civilians killing cops, civilians killing civilians… We are dividing our humanity and only ‘praying’ for a better outcome instead of ‘doing’ what needs to be done. I am not saying I have the answer on what needs to be done, I am merely stating the obvious. Something has to change within our humanity to make a difference.

Everyone that knows me and my family knows that we are who we are AND no matter what makes you who you are, there has to be a constant ‘need’ to make a difference in your own life before you or I can ‘pray’ to make a difference. Change will only happen when we allow it to happen. Being forced into change is never the way to make a difference. Change is gradual and never happens over night.

I was raised in a White Christian middle income family that dealt with drugs, violence and racism within the extended family. I saw so many things that I will never allow my children to experience. My childhood consisted of moving quite a few times from Houston, TX to southern Arkansas and back again. As you can imagine there was quite the racial divide in those areas of the country for sure as there still is to this day. I heard racial slurs from my extended family and saw the violence that came from those remarks. I was told (by extended family) to stop being friends with my two best friends because they had a different skin color than mine. I was told no reason other than that. That was my first experience of racism and it came from a family member I respected at that time. I saw Drugs being used and being distributed by family, I saw extended family members go to jail many times over and I felt the pain of not being able to make a difference. Drugs can ruin a family and in my eyes they did. Not just the use of them but the distribution in large amounts. All of this happened before I was even a teenager. I have been told to be quiet and not make a sound in a dark room. Violence and drugs runs in every family is what I have always told myself. I share all of that not to look for sympathy but to show my humanity… where I came from and how I have become the man I am today. I can only speak for myself and not my skin color or other white men. Every person is NOT perfect; we all have emotional scars to deal with and we each deal with them in different ways.

The use of demeaning racial slurs is not tolerated in my household nor is the lack of respect for humans and animals. I am ashamed for the transgressions of my family; however, I did not engage in those transgression… I was merely born into it. There will NEVER be a time that bullying someone else is approved of in my eyes. I was bullied by kids of all backgrounds and never allowed that to make me hate them. Abuse of Alcohol and Drugs are horrible concoctions our humanity has created and I will do my best to steer my children from them. Hatred is intolerable. Violence is NOT the answer. Drugs and alcohol are not the escape from any of it.

My way of making a difference… Raising my children without hate.

I am scared of our past. I am scared for their future. In this moment, we have to look to the past and the future to make the changes needed.

My wife and I agree on just about everything in life and the main thing we agree on is that change can only occur if we allow it to occur. We are raising our young men to be strong mentally and to respect everyone no matter where they come from. We do not allow negative family members to be around them. We have cut ties to individuals that do not strive to be part of the change humanity needs. We can not control others to do the same but we do our part. Our life has meaning… to raise our kids with LOVE for humanity, freedom, and the NEED to make a difference in this life.

Will you do the same with yours?


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